A Konaha Carol
by Fire Breathing Chinchillas
Summary: Our Beloved Konahaians have been forcefully voulenteered for the play everyone loves! No, not Romeo and Juliet! You people have one track minds! It's Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol!" Here's your ticket, enjoy the show!


**A Konaha Carol**

Based on the novel written by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.

_**Disclaimer: I do ****NOT**** in any way what-so-ever own/relate to ****A Christmas Carol**_**_, by_ Charles Dickens_. I do _****_NOT_****_ own the series 'Naruto,'_ Masashi Kishimoto _does. _**_**DO NOT SUE.**** Thank you.**_

**Narrator #1** (**Kakashi**): Nejineezer Scrooge (or as most called him), Mr. Neji Scrooge, was not a nice man. Nor was he a kind man, a happy man... or really even a positively emotional man at all. Though he was one thing, a cold-hearted, glutinous prick with a stack up his ass at all times... even on the holidays. When he walked down the streets he would send all running for shelter, even the brave 'Konahamaru corps.'

**Narrator #2 **(**Iruka**): He, along with his _dead _partner Lee Marley, founded Scrooge and Marley, 'the most youthful company around!' (As their slogan stated) Just to restate, Lee Marley was **dead**. Dead as the third. Though I would consider the fourth to be the deadest of the Hokages. Though we shall not question the expressions our ancestors have produced. We see our Mr. Neji Scrooge walking down the street to his office, sending all in his way for the nearest shelter...

**--**

**Konahamaru:** Run! It's Neji Scrooge! -pulling Mogi along-

**Mogi: **Konahamaru! I don't think Mr. Scrooge is that bad. He just doesn't get gift's for Christmas. Come on -pulls Konahamaru- I'll give him my doll!

**Konahamaru:** NO!!

**Mogi:**-walks up to Scrooge and pulls on his coat- Mr. Neji Scrooge?

**Scrooge:** What!? What do you want?

**Mogi:** I... I...-_hands_ _doll_- Merry Christmas sir!

**Scrooge:** Hn.

**Mogi:** Pardon?

**Scrooge:** Hn! Humbug! -_rips the doll's head off and throws it at _Mogi, _and_ _she_ _falls_ _back_ _on_ Konahamaru-

**Konahamaru:** It's okay. Mogi He's always like that... all the time...

--

**Kakashi:** Our dear Scrooge makes his way to the Scrooge & Marley co.'s main, and only, office.

**Iruka:** Where he's met by-

**Kakashi: **Where he was met by his Cousin Hinata.

**Iruka:** That was my line!

**Kakashi:** Shh. It's rude to disturb a play.

--

**Hinata:** Merry Christmas Uncle... Err... I mean... Cousin Neji! Godaime save you!

**Scrooge:** Hn! Humbug!

--

**Hinata:** Humbug a... um...

**Neji:** Humbug a... what?

**Hinata:** Well. It's just that I don't know what 'humbug' means...

**Neji:** ... I don't ether.

**Stage Director **(**Me!**)Come on! Forget 'humbug!'

**Hinata/Neji:** Sorry.

--

**Hinata:** Christmas a humbug? Surely you mean that as a joke!

**Scrooge:** I don't! Now hurry up! Get on with the point!

**Hinata:** I only wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, Cousin. Don't be cross.

**Scrooge:** I have every right to be cross! What else can I be in a world of fools as this? Merry Christmas! Screw Merry Christmas. What's Christmas to you, but a time for paying bills without money, a time for finding yourself a year older and not an hour richer. If I could do whatever I wanted, every idiot who goes around saying, "Merry Christmas" Would be boiled with their own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through their heart!

**Hinata:** Neji!

**Scrooge:** Hinata! Keep Christmas in your own way, and I shall keep it in mine.

**Hinata:** But you don't keep it...

**Scrooge:** Then I'll leave alone. Much good may it do you. Much good it has ever done you.

**Hinata:** There are many things I have derived good by which I have not profited from, Christmas among them. And though it has never put a scrap of gold in my pocket, I believe it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say Godaime bless it!

**Scrooge:** Hn.

**Hinata:** Don't be angry cousin. Come! Dine with us tomorrow.

**Scrooge:** I'll dine alone, thank you.

**Hinata:** Why?

**Scrooge:** Why did you get married?

**Hinata:** Because I fell in love with my dear Naruto.

--

**Naruto:** Yayz! I get a part!! -_I throw a rock at his head, and he falls over-_

**--**

**Scrooge:** And I with solitude. Good afternoon.

**Hinata:** But Neji, you didn't visit me before I was married! Why give It as a reason now?

**Scrooge:** Good afternoon.

**Hinata:** I am sorry with all my heart to find you so determined; but I have made the attempt in honor of Christmas, and I'll keep that good spirit to the last. So, Merry Christmas, cousin.

**Scrooge:** Good afternoon!

**Hinata:** And a Happy New Year!

**Scrooge:** Good afternoon, damn it! -Hinata _hesitates as if to say something more. She sees that _Scrooge _has gone to get a volume down from the shelf, and so she leaves. As she leaves, the doorbell rings_- Hn. Bells. Is it necessary to always have bells? -Asuma _and_ Kurinai _enter causing the doorbell to ring again_- Sasuke Cratchit!

**Cratchit:** What!? I'm shredding your money!

**Scrooge:** What? -_shakes his head_- Never mind that. Get the door fool!

**Cratchit:** Whatever. -_walks over to the door to greet the new guests_- Welcome to Scrooge And Marley's. I'm Cratchit, Neji's Bitch, and Who might you be?

**Asuma: **I am Mr. Asuma, and this is-

**Kurinai:** I am Mrs. Kurinai. And I can introduce myself, thank-you very much.

**Cratchit:** Like I care. What are you here for?

**Asuma:** Were here to gather money for charity.

**Cratchit:** Oh, are you? -_He raises an eyebrow_- Yes. Right this way. Our sir is a _very _nice, kind, _giving_ man. Hehehe. Oh! Here he is!

**Scrooge:** That was Cratchit, my bit-

**Asuma:** Yes, yes, we've already covered that. Ahem, Good day sir. Have we the pleasure of meeting Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley?

**Scrooge:** Marley's dead. Since seven years ago, this very night.

**Kurinai:** Oh. Dear, we're terribly sorry. Well, we have no doubt that his generosity is well represented by his surviving partner. Our card. -_she hands _Scrooge _her business_ _card_-

**Scrooge:** Generosity? No doubt of it? Alright, alright. What did you want again? -Scrooge_ returns to his work_

**Asuma: **At this festive season of the year...

**Scrooge:** It's winter and cold. -_He continues to ignore _Asuma-

**Kurinai:** Yeah. It is, and just more reason for our visit! At this time of the year it is more than usually desirable to make a slight... er... 'provision' for the poor and destitute who suffer greatly from the cold. Many thousands are in need of common needs; hundreds of thousands are in need of common comforts, sir.

**Scrooge:** Are there no prisons?

**Kurinai:** Well yeah, but-

**Scrooge:** And is the workhouse still in operation?

**Asuma:** Yeah, I wish it wasn't though.

**Scrooge:** The poor law is still in full vigor then?

**Kurinai:** Yes, sir...

**Scrooge:** I'm glad to hear it. From what you had said, it sounded like someone had stopped their operation!

**Kurinai:** Okay! Dude, Listen! We are here to gather food, drink, and like, blankets 'n stuff for the poor people. We came no because this is the time of year when people feel kind and caring. Would you like Asuma to put you down as something?

**Scrooge:** -_retreats to the darkness temporarily-_ Nothing.

**Asuma:** Y-you wish to be anonymous?

**Scrooge:** I wish to be left alone! Since you ask me what I wish, that is my answer. I don't make myself merry at Christmas, why should I make others merry? I help the establishments I have mentioned... they cost enough... and those who are poor must go off there!

**Asuma:** Many can't go there, and others would rather die!

**Scrooge:** If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population! That is not my affair. My business is. It occupies all my time.

**Asuma:** But-

**Scrooge:** Ask a man to give up life and means... fine thing. What is it, I want to know? Charity? -_Scrooge returns to his work, as the dejected _Asuma_ and_ Kurinai_ leave_- Latch the door Cratchit. Firmly, firmly. Draft as cold as Christmas blowing in here. Charity. Hn! -_As_ Cratchit_ goes to close the door, the doorbell rings- _Cratchit! -_As soon as _Scrooge _shouts, _Cratchit _closes the door quickly, and begins to close up the shop.-_Sasuke!

**Cratchit: -**_mumbling-_ We're on a first name basis?

**Scrooge:** What?

**Cratchit:** Oh! Nothing, sir. Must be mice, or something!

**Scrooge:** Get back to work.

**Cratchit:** It's evening, sir.

**Scrooge:** Is it?

**Cratchit: **Christmas evening...

**Scrooge:** Oh, and I suppose you'll want all tomorrow off too?

**Cratchit:** No duh! I mean... If it's quite convenient, sir.

**Scrooge: **It's not convenient, and it's not fair! If I were to deduct half a grand... er... crown from your salary you'd think yourself ill-used, wouldn't you? Still you expect me to pay you a days wage for a day of no work.

**Cratchit:** It's only once a year, sir.

**Scrooge:** Be here all the earlier the next morning!

**Cratchit:** I will, sir.

**Scrooge: **Then off, off, and stop saying 'sir' at the end of every sentence.

**Cratchit: **Yes! Oh and Happy... err... Winter-ness.

--

**Neji:** ... What? No 'Merry Christmas?'

**Sasuke:** No. I'm an atheist.

**Neji:** But this is based on 'A _Christmas _Carol.'

**Sasuke:** They didn't tell me that when I was forced to signed up for this!

**Stage Director:** Neji! Stop getting off play topic! Just move along!

--

**Scrooge:** Hn!

**Kakashi:** We'll be taking a short intermission. Go make yourself popcorn, and enjoy the refreshments in your fridge. The next chapter will begin shortly, depending on whether you press that sexy review button or not.

* * *

**Backstage...**

**Me:** Neji! You got off topic twice!

**Neji:** Hinata started the first one!

**Me:** Hinata, you did wonderful! Keep up the good work! You too Sasuke!

**Sasuke:** Thank you.

**Hinata:** Yeah, but Naruto didn't get a part.

**Me:** Yes he did, silly. He had that one line, remember?

**Sasuke:** My favorite part was when he stopped moving.

**Asuma/Lee/Kurinai**/**Neji:** No way? me too!

**Me:** That's mean! Though quite true.

**Hinata:** Doesn't he need medical attention? If he losses any more blood, he'll die!

**Kakashi:** Of course he won't die! He's a main character, he can't die!

_**spoiler alert**_

**Iruka:** Asuma on the other hand...

**Hiadan:** _-Jumps from the light stands, and kills Asuma-_

**Me:** It's okay, we won't need him for the rest of the play.

_**end spoiler**_

**Everyone: See you in the next chapter, 'The Return of Lee Marley'**


End file.
